DON’T FORGET YOU
After each of our kids, I went through a Raggedy Anne or Edward Scissorhands kind of look. I had crazy hormone and personality changes. I was both Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and a Gilmore Girl hopped up on caffeine. I didn't know who I was looking at when I looked in the mirror. I saw crazy hair thrown into a bun, yet another t shirt covered in puke, bags under the eyes, a million things to do on my mind, no make up, tears streaking my face, and sleep (my once best friend) now taunting me as I fell asleep standing up during the middle of the day. The person staring back at me now couldn't possibly be me. The girl I knew always showered, always fixed her hair and makeup, was confident, well rested, and ready to take on the world. I would just stand there each time wondering, where did that girl go and would I ever be able to get her back again.
For almost a year after my first child I kept grieving the loss of my old life and all the things I used to be able to do. I was mad that at the Christmas Eve service at church I couldn't be in the service with my family and friends but rather was in the back with a fussy baby, trying to breastfeed, and watching on the tv. I was upset that I used to have a pencil figure, a flat stomach, and now I had a pear shaped body and my jeans and dresses (that I had fit into for years) didn't fit anymore. I was upset because my extrovert self wanted to go bowling with our friends but it was too late for the baby to go out. I was sad because my husband and I couldn't just have a date night whenever we wanted and when we were out, we could only go for 2 hours at a time before I would either have to pump or go home and feed the baby. On and on my list went. Unchecked, those emotions got louder and louder until I found myself sitting on my kitchen floor sobbing wishing that none of it had ever happened. I loved my baby more than anything and I was completely embarrassed that I had even had that thought run through my mind. My sweet husband (God bless him), sat with me on the floor and just held and encouraged me. He reminded me that it was okay to feel this way, that there was a lot to process, that I was not alone, and reminded me that I would have victory over this. Needless to say, I was able to pull myself off the floor, out of the pit of grief, and move on to becoming the best mom and me I could be.
It's true that a lot of things change when you have a baby. Things need to change. You simply cannot expect to have the exact same life or the exact same body that you did before having a baby. If you go through motherhood constantly trying to grasp at the life and body that you've lost, you will be continually disappointed and at some point (if you're not careful) may end up resenting your child for taking all of that from you. Pain comes with loss and change, but growth and improvement also come with loss and change.
If you treat that season as having a loss and allow yourself to grieve (yes, actually grieve) over the things that have past, your old life, then you are better able to actually move on to enjoying your new life. So many good things come with your new life and you can fully enjoy all that this precious baby and season have to offer when you have allowed yourself to process and let go of what was, so you can fully accept what is now.
We all get run down, beaten down, and just straight up busy in our new roles and new life. When you are busy meeting the demands of a screaming newborn you might forget something very important....YOU. We have to remember one critical thing, It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. Between the sleepless nights, the constant crying, and crazy feeding schedules, things like showers, makeup, and naps seem like things of the past. It may not seem like there is time for you and that if you did stop to take care of yourself you would be selfish for doing so. This is a lie. It is actually better for your entire family if you take the time to take care of yourself. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You may not have an hour to get ready like you used to but even 5-10 minutes here and there can make a huge difference. Putting on makeup (even though your baby is the only one that will see you today) can give you a small sense of accomplishment and confidence. Putting on a nice top (even though it will probably just end up getting puked on) can make you feel better about your body or just feel normal again. Taking a short nap when your baby naps (even though there is a load of laundry and dishes piled up) can help give you a small reset and energy boost to get through the next part of your day. It is okay to ask for help from family or friends so that you can have some time to do a devotional, complete a project, enjoy your hobby again, or just simply enjoy a quiet moment all to yourself in which you can actually finish the cup of coffee you usually reheat 5 times and never get to finish.
When you fight for time and take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, you are making yourself healthy enough so that you can take care of those around you. You should never neglect yourself. Taking care of yourself is a key factor in being able to cope with your new situation and will help you take on the challenges life throws at you. You are important an
